Skip to main content

Bleeding

It hurts... Being the guy who has to reprimand my peers and face the flak. Yeah I know I'm doing it for God... Yeah and I know if I'm doing it for God everything will turn out fine. But the pain it brings me is killing me. Why can't they see I'm not critisizing them directly, I'm not aiming anyone of them on purpose? I don't know. Why can't they see that they have issues and think why I have to scold them? Beats me.

Though I may say that I'm willing to sacrifice my all to fufilll God's purpose... The price is starting to take its toll. Soon, I may have no friends in church save a few who understand my plight. I'll become just a disciplinarian and senior in their eyes, and not a friend.

To sum it all up, I'm afraid of the consequences. Though I may claim that I don't care, a small part of me is bleeding right now.

But whats done is done. Theres no turning back. And its time I embrace my up-and-coming duties as a leader, though it may mean I'll lose my friends. And I pray that my heart eventually can truly say... Lord, you're more than enough for me.

Don't worry bout me guys... I just need your prayer. I will continue submitting to Him, but I need peace inside to quell my fear. Instead worry for God, cos he's the worthy one, not any of us.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Digimon

 I'm feeling quite nostalgic and have been thinking about my childhood a lot recently. A lot of it is because of the retreat I just had with my CG members and how having such a retreat reminded me of days that were more slower paced and more relaxed.  It makes me want to relive some of my memories. Two ways that I've thought about is soccer - I've been watching some of the World Cup matches, and it reminds me of the late nights I had watching matches when I was 15 or so and just starting this blog. About how soccermugger came to be in the first place and how I wanted this platform to post about soccer scores and how I felt about the matches I watched. The other way is to watch old anime, and I'm thinking about revisiting the first ever anime I watched which was Digimon. It was televised in Mandarin at 8am, and I remember waking up early on the weekends to watch it fervently. Maybe its time to do that again.  In general I guess my inclinations are to be more at ease and ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Gamble

It's been quite some time since the last post, and time has just been ticking on. I'm entering a new phase in my career in a new office at Queenstown. Things are good on the work front, as I've been given a vote of confidence and responsibilities despite my young age. Eventually I'll be getting re-designated as a Team Leader, and looking forward to it! It's a sign that I am well versed enough in the work. Another part of my life that has been looking up - playing keys/bass for the newly created Saturday Service for church. I feel that spiritually things are well despite the turmoil of last year. A great sense of fulfillment and meaning whenever I do that, as if I'm back to my roots. In terms of leisure the usual things:  1. Soccer - Late night matches (back to the good old days) 2. PS4 - Trying to finish off Tales of Berseria, moving on to Assassins Creed: Origin thereafter 3. Anime - Still watching the good old stuff that is still going on (One Piece, Yu-Gi-Oh,...
Post a Comment
Read more

Of God and Demons

Now that'd I've put my last phase of life past me and have some more time to reflect cos I'm C+ for the second time, I feel that it's the correct time to do a bit more reflection about my past, especially the last couple of years. I've always thought that one of the counseling exercises practiced would be helpful for me to process what I've been going through - that is to personify my negative emotions. In a sense to experience that final bit of release from these emotions that have threatened me for a long time. To talk about the inner demons that I've been facing.  Wrath. The fiercest of them all, yet gentlemanly in some ways, calculative in others. People usually imagine wrath to be brawny, in your face and belligerent. But my Wrath is more sinister, sly even. Plotting the downfall of my enemies and using the knowledge that I have to exact vengeance. Over the months I have exerted control of him by reminding myself that only God has the right to judge. De...
Post a Comment
Read more