Memories

The toughest part of growing up is having your dreams shattered. That was one thing I realised today as I was looking at fb statuses. For me it was a very real thing, and it was really painful for me.

In the past when I got emo and sad it usually lasted only a couple of days. But nowadays emo streaks go away less easily. So I, like the rational dude I am, went back through my old posts to see when all the long emo streaks started. And yes, I have found an answer. It all started after the med rejection letter came.

Somehow because of that, I have changed in some ways... The emo thing is one thing. Other ways I've changed include a discovery of how weak I really am, and that has translated into a few bad things. Low self confidence, a wavering trust in my bright future and a creeping doubt that others do not respect me, love me and care for me in their heart like they actually appear to. Its made it more difficult for me to love others than it alread is because I'm afraid of finding out what they actually think about me.

At least by reflecting about all this I actually know my problems and know how to solve it. But knowing and doing are two different things. And doing is the tough part.

Well... I guess what I went through is part and parcel of growing up. But part of growing up includes overcoming it as well.

Here's a song that may be familiar to those following one piece, especially during the days of Kids Central. Its One Piece's 1st ED. A song about the past. The second verse and second pre-chorus really mean a lot to me, now that I know how to read jap and sorta understand the meaning. That part is about having a dream, which eventually no one achieves.

Memories - Maki Otsuki

Verse 1
小さな頃には宝の地図が
chiisana koro ni wa takara no chizu ka
頭の中に浮かんでいて
atama no naka ni ukandeite
いつでも探したキセキの場所を
itsudemo sagashita kiseki no basho o
知らない誰かに負けないよに
shiranai dareka ni makenai youni

Pre-chorus 1
今ではほこりだらけの毎日
ima de wa hokori darake no mainichi
いつの日かすべての
itsu no hi ka subete no
時に身を委せるだけ
toki ni mi o makaseru dake

Chorus 1
もしも世界が変わるのなら
moshi mo sekai ga kawaru no nara
何も知らない頃の私に
nanimo shiranai koro no watashi ni
連れていって　思い出が色あせないように
tsurete itte omoide ga iro asenai youni

Verse 2
小さな頃から歌を唄って
chiisana koro kara uta o utatte
夢見る心あたためてた
yume miru kokoro atatameteta
みんなで真似した秘密のメロディー
minna de maneshita himitsu no merodei
今度は上手に聞こえるように
kondou wa jouzu ni kikoeru youni

Pre-Chorus 2
今ではため息ついてばかりで
ima deha tame iki tsuite bakari de
誰もまだ本当の
dare mo mada hontou no
夢さえつかめないまま
yume sae tsukamenai mama

Chorus 2
もしも時代が戻るのなら
moshimo jidai ga modoru no nara
涙を知った頃の私に
namida o shitta koro no watashi ni
連れていって　せつなさが追いつかないように
tsureteitte setsuna saga oitsukanai youni

For the meaning, search www.gendou.com for the song, and click on the en tab under the lyrics column. Yup.