Happy new year!
Its been a year worth forgetting. So many new obstacles have appeared, some already passed, and yet more to overcome. 365 days... A tenth of them spent in turmoil, another tenth in loneliness, yet another tenth in anguish, crying out to God. The remaining 70% was spent reminding myself of the other 30% that had already passed.
But I guess I exaggerate; after all, I am a better person after it all. I know who in this world are my friends, who in this world look up to me, who in this world enjoy me just being myself. Problems I face become nothing but ants under my stride. Skills I've picked up are becoming all the more relevant: ranging from driving, to calling people up, even to japanese and sign language. I begin to understand the problems faced by those of lower educational standard, have learnt how to treat them fairly, and have also become their nakama.
The watchnite service yesterday put a song in my heart:
"I trusted, kept on trusting
Through the night of pain
In the darkness of the valley
Human help was vain..."
How can I repay what the Lord has done for me this year? It felt like I was in a deep trench, but even in the trench, He was there with me. He gave me wisdom, courage, strength, foresight and above all, a love for others that has now become my life's dream. He put my old, ambitious self to death, and made me think what was more important. Truly, His endless love is like an eternal flame. Navigating myself out of this never seemed this easy before.
***
Just a few days ago I set for a test which I mentioned in the previous post. The passing rate, as mentioned, was extremely low, as low as 5 percent in the previous batch of people taking the test.
It so happened that I was first to reach the exam room, so I went in and sat down on the left of a stern looking Master Sergeant, who was the examiner. Soon my friends came in... It was 3 people to one examiner. The first person started the test. Fail. Fail. Fail. 3 strikes and he was out. Was I going to be me next? No, and it was a good thing I did not go next. I wouldn't have had the confidence.
The next person went... Fail for the first situation. He made a mistake on the next situation... And surprised as I was, the tester let it pass. It seemed something had changed. The next 2 situations, he passed, and he passed with a score of 3 out of 4. By then, I had gotten enough confidence. If he could do it, why not me?
I went up... Everything was perfect, until the last step, where I forgot to mention an important thing. Failed. Unfazed, I moved on to the next situation. And once again it happened. I made a mistake, and he let it pass. The next 2 situations I did perfectly, and passed, also with a score of 3 out of 4. My heart was beating so fast from all the adrenaline and excitement, it had never happened at any major exam before.
I went back to see how the rest of my friends did. The rest of them failed. Miserably. Only then did it strike me. The Lord was beside me through it all. He chose my tester, he chose the one who had come before me and passed, he chose the words that came out of my mouth. I was in awe of the efficacy of it all. If any one situation had changed, I would've failed. That day, only 3 of us passed out of the 52 in the course. And thanks to that, I don't have to stay till 5pm on saturday. Wonderful, right?
***
And this is only one of the things God has done for me. When I read back into previous posts, so many beautiful things have happened. Imagine yourself in a deep ravine. All of a sudden, the area around you bursts into life. Flowers sprout from the sides of the ravine, accompanied by trees, fruits and all sorts of vine. That was how my year went by. When I am weak, then I am strong. It just makes so much more sense.
Susumu! Into 2009 and beyond.
Its been a year worth forgetting. So many new obstacles have appeared, some already passed, and yet more to overcome. 365 days... A tenth of them spent in turmoil, another tenth in loneliness, yet another tenth in anguish, crying out to God. The remaining 70% was spent reminding myself of the other 30% that had already passed.
But I guess I exaggerate; after all, I am a better person after it all. I know who in this world are my friends, who in this world look up to me, who in this world enjoy me just being myself. Problems I face become nothing but ants under my stride. Skills I've picked up are becoming all the more relevant: ranging from driving, to calling people up, even to japanese and sign language. I begin to understand the problems faced by those of lower educational standard, have learnt how to treat them fairly, and have also become their nakama.
The watchnite service yesterday put a song in my heart:
"I trusted, kept on trusting
Through the night of pain
In the darkness of the valley
Human help was vain..."
How can I repay what the Lord has done for me this year? It felt like I was in a deep trench, but even in the trench, He was there with me. He gave me wisdom, courage, strength, foresight and above all, a love for others that has now become my life's dream. He put my old, ambitious self to death, and made me think what was more important. Truly, His endless love is like an eternal flame. Navigating myself out of this never seemed this easy before.
***
Just a few days ago I set for a test which I mentioned in the previous post. The passing rate, as mentioned, was extremely low, as low as 5 percent in the previous batch of people taking the test.
It so happened that I was first to reach the exam room, so I went in and sat down on the left of a stern looking Master Sergeant, who was the examiner. Soon my friends came in... It was 3 people to one examiner. The first person started the test. Fail. Fail. Fail. 3 strikes and he was out. Was I going to be me next? No, and it was a good thing I did not go next. I wouldn't have had the confidence.
The next person went... Fail for the first situation. He made a mistake on the next situation... And surprised as I was, the tester let it pass. It seemed something had changed. The next 2 situations, he passed, and he passed with a score of 3 out of 4. By then, I had gotten enough confidence. If he could do it, why not me?
I went up... Everything was perfect, until the last step, where I forgot to mention an important thing. Failed. Unfazed, I moved on to the next situation. And once again it happened. I made a mistake, and he let it pass. The next 2 situations I did perfectly, and passed, also with a score of 3 out of 4. My heart was beating so fast from all the adrenaline and excitement, it had never happened at any major exam before.
I went back to see how the rest of my friends did. The rest of them failed. Miserably. Only then did it strike me. The Lord was beside me through it all. He chose my tester, he chose the one who had come before me and passed, he chose the words that came out of my mouth. I was in awe of the efficacy of it all. If any one situation had changed, I would've failed. That day, only 3 of us passed out of the 52 in the course. And thanks to that, I don't have to stay till 5pm on saturday. Wonderful, right?
***
And this is only one of the things God has done for me. When I read back into previous posts, so many beautiful things have happened. Imagine yourself in a deep ravine. All of a sudden, the area around you bursts into life. Flowers sprout from the sides of the ravine, accompanied by trees, fruits and all sorts of vine. That was how my year went by. When I am weak, then I am strong. It just makes so much more sense.
Susumu! Into 2009 and beyond.
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