BenLow's blog

Now that'd I've put my last phase of life past me and have some more time to reflect cos I'm C+ for the second time, I feel that it's the correct time to do a bit more reflection about my past, especially the last couple of years. I've always thought that one of the counseling exercises practiced would be helpful for me to process what I've been going through - that is to personify my negative emotions. In a sense to experience that final bit of release from these emotions that have threatened me for a long time. To talk about the inner demons that I've been facing.  Wrath. The fiercest of them all, yet gentlemanly in some ways, calculative in others. People usually imagine wrath to be brawny, in your face and belligerent. But my Wrath is more sinister, sly even. Plotting the downfall of my enemies and using the knowledge that I have to exact vengeance. Over the months I have exerted control of him by reminding myself that only God has the right to judge. De...

Recently things have been going really well. I've had a leadership position in my workplace for almost one year now and it is quite amazing how God has guided throughout the way. Despite this I feel that I have achieved the balance between my work, personal life and I'm in some sort of a flow that makes me satisfied about how things are going. I'm about to transition to another stage of it, and it feels that along the way God has prepared me each and every step. There's a lot to give thanks for.  Things are really cruising along. I've always liked a good, smooth drive and life feels that way at the moment. Its been a long time along a bumpy road but finally things feel right.  Praise be to God who calms the raging seas. Praise be to God who can be counted on for the hardest difficulties in life.  Not sure when the next post be, but I think if things carry on the way they are, more good posts are to come. 

I’ve emerged thankfully unscathed from a bout of COVID-19. It was an interesting experience not just because of the self imposed quarantine measures to prevent my household from getting sick, but it was also the first time I’ve taken such an extended break for a long time (I still did work on and off, but there was a lot of time for restful sleep after taking meds and reflection).  I realised during the time that wounds still run deep and influence how I relate to God, and how much more fearful I am about losing sight of Him. It’s a double edged sword, in a way it’s good that it creates dependency on God but the other side of it is to be that way for all the wrong reasons. I catch myself thinking whether fear or love is the real driving force of what I do nowadays. It is tough facing this, as once again I see my own weakness. I can only trust God to help me work through this.  Recently it’s been hard for me to engage much in my hobbies and things have been reduced to Youtube a...

Have been engaging in a couple of new interesting hobbies to liven things up.  First off, chess of which I've started diving into to learn opening strategies and as part of that have started to watch official tournaments. Good way to stretch my thinking muscles. Second, watching netflix series in alphabetical order. Never know what interesting gems you uncover. I'm partway through stuff starting with the number 2, and its quite amazing how much you find about other cultures from this. Upcoming is a movie called 2 Weeks in Lagos, I think will be interesting cos I will get to learn more about Nigeria. I last watched a movie called 2 States which was about the clash in cultures between North and South India.   Third, watching soccer for the thrill and excitement. Letting this blog live up to its name.  Fourth, PS4. Finally finishing of Tales of Berseria and starting on Assassins Creed Origins soon.  Fifth, anime - the usual stuff I have never gone without since thi...

It's been quite some time since the last post, and time has just been ticking on. I'm entering a new phase in my career in a new office at Queenstown. Things are good on the work front, as I've been given a vote of confidence and responsibilities despite my young age. Eventually I'll be getting re-designated as a Team Leader, and looking forward to it! It's a sign that I am well versed enough in the work. Another part of my life that has been looking up - playing keys/bass for the newly created Saturday Service for church. I feel that spiritually things are well despite the turmoil of last year. A great sense of fulfillment and meaning whenever I do that, as if I'm back to my roots. In terms of leisure the usual things:  1. Soccer - Late night matches (back to the good old days) 2. PS4 - Trying to finish off Tales of Berseria, moving on to Assassins Creed: Origin thereafter 3. Anime - Still watching the good old stuff that is still going on (One Piece, Yu-Gi-Oh,...

It’s taken a long time, but I think my heart is finally at peace. It’s been a tough journey but I am glad to say the worst of it is over. At the moment am surrounded by those who matter to me and I am doing meaningful things. Truly thankful that God has returned me to such a state.  In this season of Good Friday and Easter the word Vanguard comes to mind. Maybe it’s that season of life where God is exactly that for me, where we will be together in uncharted battlegrounds in both personal and professional life.  Not too sure when my next post will be but hope the next will be better than the last. Until next time! 

With all the clutter that’s going on in my head I’ve resolved to return to a simpler lifestyle. No social media (Facebook and Instagram) for me upon switching to the iPhone X today.  Just going back to the old routine of watching anime and YouTube subscriptions in the evenings after work, and making use of Netflix once in awhile. In the evenings during the weekends have started to take long walks. Doing my qt rounds up the rest of the time I’m spending. Am trying to see whether I can squeeze in some gaming. Have found myself staring into space often. Not too sure how long that will last. Another thing I’m thinking of doing is documenting my journey over the past 1+ year. I have a vague idea of how to do it - maybe something like the first season of 13 reasons why. I am thinking it will help me with the recovery. Oh and no worries, I’m not suicidal like the main character in that show. Time to take a walk so until the next post.