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Press On

Recently I find myself sinking into a bit of minor depression. Not that everything is going badly, there's always some good everywhere. However, there's this general feeling of loss, the sense that I feel some measure of distance between God and myself, and I do not understand why exactly this distance exists: whether it's my heart hardening, me being not so receptive to His voice any more, or that its a trial. One thing I do know, is that I do not like it one bit - losing sight of the God who gave me life.

School gives no pleasure, but instead tiredness. Cell, however warm has a measure of stress attached to it. Supporting Van sometimes frustrates me when I'm powerless to do anything to improve her mood. Random occurrences that always used to be favourable are beginning to turn for the worse. But most of all in the midst of the negativity, I can't hear His voice.

Its been some time since something heavy like this has weighed on my back. Ever since the weight of missing out on a place in medicine. But that in itself is different, more severe, but I found God there, almost immediately even. This, is a couple more times more difficult than that, because I'm still searching. I'll need all the help I can get, and lots of rest which I cannot get fully until May appoaches.

But beyond that, I want to show the spirit of perseverance that a good Christian should have, so I'll still run with a smile on my face. And I hope by doing so I inspire those who read to do so too, even despite the darkness that surrounds them in their lives, and the fact that sometimes, they also are unable to hear God's still, small voice. Press on, my friends who feel the same way I do. For God, who deserves all our effort and worship.

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