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Detached

Something amazing happened during SYC today that I really thank God for... I've gotten the gift of wisdom on a few occasions from the Holy Spirit before, but I've never used it for someone with other people around before. The conditions were just so amazing, and though I didn't feel anything supernatural like a rush of electricity down my spine or anything like that, but I knew what I said was definitely from God... Nothing like that could have come off the top of my head like that. It was simply awesome. Really thankful to God for that experience, despite me being a sinner and not being perfectly holy, it just goes to show that as long as you're willing God will be able to work through you in wondeful ways.

Another thing I've realised from SYC today is how detached I've become from this world... It feels as if I'm so different from everyone else that I've become rather... Inhuman. If I needed to give up anything in my life right now besides my family I definitely could, even to the extent of forsaking friends for God, which is a really scary thought. God just means that much to me. Its really really scary! Knowing that if God asked me to I'd abandon them without any need for thinking twice. But God wouldn't ask me to do that, would he? I love lots of things, including my friends... But I just love God that much more.

Its an ideal Christian situation that many people try to reach and I think I almost have... But it comes with its own problems too. The fear of being ostracized because of it, the guilt I place on myself for not thinking of people the way that they think of me, feeling like I don't cherish things enough and the strange feeling of being far away from everything else... Its as if my handphone, my comp, my bag all don't really belong to me at all. Really funny.

But the amazing thing is that this feeling of detachedness helps me understand the love and importance other people place on the things they have (which explains the unspoken respect I have for the property of others and how I'll almost never touch other peoples stuff without permission), and especially on the friendships and relationships that they have with me, to the extent that for their sake I can do anything for them, even die if need be. Another scary thought. And strange too.

I've never thought deeply about it so I've never realized how detached I've been. But now that I think about it... Yeah its strange. Probably happened over the period of SERVE.

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