Have been in emo mode since yesterday, but I've cheered up thanks to the tabulating I've been doing for the spiritual gifts inventory, and seeing how everyone fits in to create this wonderful youth group that we call YE.
Well, as usual it was internal turmoil that did the damage. And yes, once again it had something to do with my perfectionist self. Just can't reconcile the fact that I can treat others so nicely yet at the same time be so harsh on myself. When I'm with others the common sentences I'd use would be: "Its ok." or "No prob." or "Don't worry about it." or "Yeah sure." I'd say I'm an extremely laid back person, to the point of leniency towards others.
But the problem is when this side of me tries to assure myself that although I make mistakes its fine, I feel that its just excuses I make for myself. I want to push myself higher, become more serious about certain things and become stronger for God. And my nice self and perfectionist self just can't seem to click. Two total opposites in one body.
This weekend just didn't seem right, cos I felt I was making mistakes here and there, leaving things hanging and unfinished. But I guess that's not the important thing.
Sometimes I wonder how God can be just and loving at the same time. But He is. And in a way I'm exhibiting that nature of His with those two selves of me inside. And it reminds me that I'm Imago Dei - an image of God created in His likeness. Which is great. Time to embrace myself for who I am: the person that God knows full well described in Psalm 139, my all time favourite psalm.
And now I don't feel so bad any more. =)
Well, as usual it was internal turmoil that did the damage. And yes, once again it had something to do with my perfectionist self. Just can't reconcile the fact that I can treat others so nicely yet at the same time be so harsh on myself. When I'm with others the common sentences I'd use would be: "Its ok." or "No prob." or "Don't worry about it." or "Yeah sure." I'd say I'm an extremely laid back person, to the point of leniency towards others.
But the problem is when this side of me tries to assure myself that although I make mistakes its fine, I feel that its just excuses I make for myself. I want to push myself higher, become more serious about certain things and become stronger for God. And my nice self and perfectionist self just can't seem to click. Two total opposites in one body.
This weekend just didn't seem right, cos I felt I was making mistakes here and there, leaving things hanging and unfinished. But I guess that's not the important thing.
Sometimes I wonder how God can be just and loving at the same time. But He is. And in a way I'm exhibiting that nature of His with those two selves of me inside. And it reminds me that I'm Imago Dei - an image of God created in His likeness. Which is great. Time to embrace myself for who I am: the person that God knows full well described in Psalm 139, my all time favourite psalm.
And now I don't feel so bad any more. =)
Comments