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Reflections

Well had actually planned to blog on monday or tuesday... But got hold the comp in the office way too late to actually concentrate. So tried penning my thoughts down on a random NS issued book.

Saturday and Sundays were days filled with many many many many many thoughts. Some happy, some sad. Just thought I'd share some of them here.

A couple of those thoughts were from FOP. A quote from aunty KF: "The best teaching unsettle the comfortable and comfort the unsettled." Well, I think Mark Connor did exactly that for me. He got me thinking about responsibility.

For way too long I've been trying to impose myself on those who are out of my zone of responsibility. It has led to uncomfortable situations, misunderstandings and conflict. And those times are those that I really regret. Well, perhaps I am responsible to help others walk the righteous path, but I'm not responsible for them, as Mark Connor said. Instead, they are responsible for themselves. So its time I stop forcing people and start guiding people instead.

Managing your own, thoughts, emotions, and will. Mark Connor described it as a person's true responsibility. This blog has helped me do just that, and I'm glad I've had it for such a long time. Soon it'll be my blog's 5th birthday... Now I see why I was compelled to get a blog when I was sec 3, the same time I gave my life to Christ. It was to help me become a more responsible person. Now I really thank God for helping me manage the abovementioned things, and now it is what I pride myself for, what I love about myself, and what makes me special.

The part which touched me the most was when Mark decided to pray for all the parents of errant teens. Somehow, I understood what those parents are going through thoroughly although I had never been in their shoes. It was right after that they sang Hosanna, when tears started to flow down my cheeks. For some reason I was moved to that extent.

Sunday! Somehow I felt that Rev Joseph's message on Joshua was meant for me. My destiny is behind me, not before me! I believe you guys have read my earlier post about closure in regarding the medicine matter. But after that was resolved, there was still a feeling of inadequacy.

Let me explain the situation. Its true that I was really glad that I got into FASS so easily... But suddenly I have the feeling that I would have to resign to a fate of languishing in the shadows of a me who could have been so much more... (Emo right?) I suppose Ivan blogged about it before. RJC... Is a place brimming with all sorts of talent: overseas scholars, people taking distinguished courses like law, med that no one else anywhere could get a shot at easily. And to get into FASS... I wouldn't call it bad but it told me that I wasn't as good, I couldn't match up, I was a failure as a graduate from RJC, considering my good grades.

But sermon on Sunday turned it all around. I had found closure about medicine weeks ago. But now I found closure about being in a course that wasn't as prestigious. After all, if God wants me there, who am I to douby that it is not the best possible situation? All I have to do is be strong and courageous, accept my destiny which has already been set before me even before the start of time. And thats exactly what I'll do.

***

And well at this stage one of the things that made me exceptionally happy was a card and present from Eunice. Not only cos it was the only gift from someone who's not a relative to me for this year, but also because it acknowledged me as a good role model and gave glory to God. Thanks lots for the gifts! I'll put it to good use, I promise! And I'm already thinking of what to get in return for your sixteenth.
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