BenLow's blog

Woohoo... Sometimes I really think I'm blind. So many good things have been happening yet I've only seen the crushing pain the medicine course blues have given me. Event #1 Originally: Supposed to be in 10/07 platoon, with a majority of PES C, PES BP people. When I first sat in my bunk in the accomodations block I immediately felt out of place cos I was the only skinny guy there. No offense though, I'm very very skinny. Then... Was shifted to 11/07 platoon, which needed PES A and B people. Met lots of great friends, and people around my size at least. Felt more at home there. Event #2 Originally: Performed badly for an exercise, and was told by the course commander there would be a repeat exercise on either a weekend or a public holiday. Morale down. =( Then... There was no time to conduct an extra exercise due to the guard duties allocated to my course sergeant and others in my platoon. So no weekend/holiday burnt. Event #3 Originally: Was supposed to have guard duty last ...

Just reformatted my comp on friday... Accidentally deleted some important file needed so had to start all over. So now no DOTA, no iTunes, no photos, no songs etc. So anyone who wants to send me any of the above things please do so. *** Well med interviews were ok. Nothing very intimidating, confusing or difficult to answer. But of course I'm wishing I'd said more so they can accurately understand my position, my desire to enter medicine. Oh well its over and done with. One thing I've always been wondering is whether interviewers look out for the mannerisms, attitude, reaction of the interviewee or they look out for areas where the interviewee can contribute to their organisation. If it were the former I think I'd do well... If it were the latter I'm not very sure if I can make it... I'm trying not to think of it too much... But I gotta say it again. Too much hinges on this. Whether I can fufill my ambitions, whether the plans for my future come through, whether...

Exciting week ahead! Med interviews are on saturday at 12pm. Not the best time for me, but I think I'll take it. NTU Psychology has accepted me, so the backup plan is in place. Considerably nervous about the med interview though; it feels like so many things are hanging in the balance. Trust in God. I've always been relaxed during interviews, partly because I've always known who the inteviewers were, and also because the things I've done an interview for were never that important to me. Now this is really important (can't stop stressing how pivotal this is), and I've gotta get my relaxed self back. Besides that good things have been happening. I was originally supposed to do guard duty yesterday (which means staying back in camp till today morning around 9am) but my miraculous stroke of fortune there were extra guards, and I was chosen at random to drop out of guarding the place. Hooray. The week has been way too slack and as a result theres been a lot of intera...

Isaiah 1:11 was like a rude shock to me. More like a tight slap actually. Yup I've been reading through Isaiah. Here goes: "The multitude of your sacrifices -- what are they to me?" says the Lord. "I have more than enough of burnt offerings, of rams and the fat of fattened animals; I have no pleasure in the blood of bulls and lambs and goats." - Isaiah 1:11 What I got from this passage was about sacrifices, and the meaning behind each and every sacrifice you make. Everytime you serve, you sacrifice something for God. Be it your time, your energy, your focus. You incur opportunity cost. But whenever you serve with the wrong purpose, this is what God's response will be. The Israelites just sacrificed without hearts of repentance, sacrificing just for ritual's sake. The meaning of the sacrifice was lost. Like them, my service these days have lost this focus. But this portion reminded me that I have a great God who forgives all who really are sorry for what ...

Sometimes I'm afraid of losing my focus. Ok correction. I'm very afraid. These days I've been feeling quite empty, like something is missing. Perhaps I'm missing a goal for ns as a whole, but maybe something more that I just can't put my finger on. My service to God has... Diminished somewhat. Not in terms of the amount I'm doing. But for the attitude and commitment. Effects of ns? No idea. But these days I've been feeling guilty... I feel that I'm playing guitar, contributing in cell, going to SYC just to keep noticed by those around me. Its like you're beginning to fall from some high place, but you're trying to keep yourself there. I know I still love Him, but some knots are beginning to get undone. I think I'll need prayer...

Post 350! Insanely excited about this upcoming week cos of a few things: 1. Med stuff finally came! Essay writing and Psychometric Assessment is on the 27th at 2pm Two interviews are on 3rd May 12pm 2. Continuing on my jap and sign language learning Have memorised A-J for sign language. And writing vowels, k sounds, s sounds and t sounds for japanese hiragana. Looking forward to learning more... Finally learning something I'm interested in during army time. 3. Youth Alpha Sherine's coming for alpha! Have gone through previous sessions with her. She'll reach around 2:30pm which I think should be an ok time. All you YE people please make her feel welcome! 4. Signals course Things are starting to look up, really up IMO. 2 weeks left to the completion of the course... For the first time I'm looking forward to it, and looking forward to going to Taiwan after. 5. Anime Both Bleach and Naruto animes are starting on what looks like very exciting filler arcs... One Piece manga i...

Well once again I'm here at the comp at home doing my weekly update. A shoutout to my friends who're having their birthdays around this time of year. There're really lots of you guys guh. And also all the best to new ns enlistees. Though they should theoretically be in confinement period about this time. I've talked with Kenneth... And he's in the same company as me when I was in BMT. Talk about coincidence... *** Ok an update on my "dilemma" which was highlighted in a previous post... I've decided that both alternatives aren't too bad really, and I have no qualms on either happening. Well let me explain... Basically my platoon now has been visited by people from 1SIR, also known as the 1st Singapore Infantry Regiment. Well what do they do there? They conduct training for infantry people, and they need a signal platoon there to help in communications. So 33 out of 45 people in my platoon will be chosen to go there instantly without a need for posti...