Skip to main content

Bittersweet

Its been a horrible day, one that trumped even that sense of helplessness I felt when I was sick before SERVE mission trip, and could nearly compare to the weekend in camp feeling so disappointed at the results of my med apps.

Well, a simple call spoiled a perfectly normal, good day. It made me think so much about the church camp and how I've been planning for everything. Various negative emotions have made their way into my heart, and I think now's the perfect time to let it all out.

Its a long story, but in a nutshell I'm really angry at myself for being angry at others involved in the church camp. I've been a person who prides himself in good self-control, but I've acted out of line... Each of the people I'm angry at have a legitimate reason for acting the way they did, and blaming them isn't justified in anyway. But most of all, as part of the camp comm I should be a champion of the theme: Be One, Be Blessed. And my actions and emotions aren't up to par with that.

I need God right now, to open up my hardened, angered heart. Only He can make a bad day good.

But right now... I'm on my way to having a bittersweet camp. I know I'll enjoy myself, but I've really hurt myself bad along the way. Oh well I've got 3 days to get my mentality right and myself right with God before I begin to serve. And nothing is impossible for Him. Cheers and onward to the camp!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Digimon

 I'm feeling quite nostalgic and have been thinking about my childhood a lot recently. A lot of it is because of the retreat I just had with my CG members and how having such a retreat reminded me of days that were more slower paced and more relaxed.  It makes me want to relive some of my memories. Two ways that I've thought about is soccer - I've been watching some of the World Cup matches, and it reminds me of the late nights I had watching matches when I was 15 or so and just starting this blog. About how soccermugger came to be in the first place and how I wanted this platform to post about soccer scores and how I felt about the matches I watched. The other way is to watch old anime, and I'm thinking about revisiting the first ever anime I watched which was Digimon. It was televised in Mandarin at 8am, and I remember waking up early on the weekends to watch it fervently. Maybe its time to do that again.  In general I guess my inclinations are to be more at ease and ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Of God and Demons

Now that'd I've put my last phase of life past me and have some more time to reflect cos I'm C+ for the second time, I feel that it's the correct time to do a bit more reflection about my past, especially the last couple of years. I've always thought that one of the counseling exercises practiced would be helpful for me to process what I've been going through - that is to personify my negative emotions. In a sense to experience that final bit of release from these emotions that have threatened me for a long time. To talk about the inner demons that I've been facing.  Wrath. The fiercest of them all, yet gentlemanly in some ways, calculative in others. People usually imagine wrath to be brawny, in your face and belligerent. But my Wrath is more sinister, sly even. Plotting the downfall of my enemies and using the knowledge that I have to exact vengeance. Over the months I have exerted control of him by reminding myself that only God has the right to judge. De...
Post a Comment
Read more

Aikatsu

Have been engaging in a couple of new interesting hobbies to liven things up.  First off, chess of which I've started diving into to learn opening strategies and as part of that have started to watch official tournaments. Good way to stretch my thinking muscles. Second, watching netflix series in alphabetical order. Never know what interesting gems you uncover. I'm partway through stuff starting with the number 2, and its quite amazing how much you find about other cultures from this. Upcoming is a movie called 2 Weeks in Lagos, I think will be interesting cos I will get to learn more about Nigeria. I last watched a movie called 2 States which was about the clash in cultures between North and South India.   Third, watching soccer for the thrill and excitement. Letting this blog live up to its name.  Fourth, PS4. Finally finishing of Tales of Berseria and starting on Assassins Creed Origins soon.  Fifth, anime - the usual stuff I have never gone without since thi...
Post a Comment
Read more