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Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

Just finished watching the champs league match... Liverpool vs Chelsea. And... Liverpool won the match 1-0, tying with Chelsea on aggregate, then going on to win the resultant penalty shoot out by a convincing margin of 4-1. Not much to say here.

Its been a not very productive weekend and May Day holiday in terms of school work. Managed to finish my maths assign and maths tutorial early. Still have lots of chem to do though. My work ethic sometimes stumbles me I think. If I can't seem to do a certain question of a certain tutorial, and then try and do a different tutorial my mind will keep on wandering back to the earlier question. So I get distracted.

Well hopefully I can clarify those doubts in class later today. I think some of them have done chem tutorial. Then I can move on and get my H3 bio mindmaps and Econs assignment done. Otherwise I'd be stuck forever thinking about those doubts. I hope I don't get in trouble with Mrs Ng though haha. Haven't done the econs tutorial either.

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S03H

Saturday started out pretty fine, though it was PTM. Which usually spells trouble for most students. Went down with my dad to talk with the teachers. And the feedback was pretty ok. Most teachers were pleased with what I was doing. Good thing. Cos I can do much better. Especially if I'd taken more time to practise and study for CT1. We'll see what happens for CT2 shall we?

The only other S03H person present was Azrin who came with his parents as well. For some reason he dreamt of me last week. Well thats what he told me. It seems that we were characters in LF and fighting together against two of our other classmates Kenny and Lawrence. Wonder what the dream meant. Then again... It probably doesn't mean anything. But its quite interesting to know that someone dreamt of you don't you think?

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YE

Well, Sunday was CAP. Went to block 60 with my dad and Grace. Most residents were unfortunately away. Out of the 10 units we went to 2 of them showed promise, and 1 of the units had methodist residents. Hope some of the people come down for the cooking and science talk sessions.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace

It just reminded me of YE as a whole, and the burden I feel for it. I'm still wondering whether everyone's God centred or not. But all I can do is influence you guys anyway I can. This song reminds us to look to Jesus and not to the things of the earth. And I hope thats what everyone is doing. Let our actions and the things we say show this God centredness. Cos the way I see it... Some of the things I've read online aren't very pleasing. To me some things written show me that some of you are world centred, and thats what's been worrying me.

On another note... Well done to Marcus and Joanna. You've led worship well. The songs were well chosen and very meaningful given the CAP we were doing on that day. Kudos to you guys in the worship team as well for handling all the pressure. Please continue to grow closer to God through your service. As aunty K said in her email. Its all about Jesus.

God, give us strength to change the wrongs we see. Give us strength to walk the path no one dares to go, even if it means forsaking all the things we hold dear to.

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Guitar

Exco selections for me were... Painful I guess. The reason being that my term is ending, and I don't like the way its ending. The way you feel that you could have done more, could have done better, and that you've betrayed the trust the previous exco had on you. It feels horrible.

The past few weeks I've been feeling inadequate. I've had the saddening thought that when RJGE fails to live up to expectations, its the music sides fault. And since I'm 'in charge' of the music side, I'm ultimately the one who should be blamed. And now that its coming to an end, this thought hasn't subsided at all.

This demoralisation has lead me to feel like washing my hands of everything guitar/MD related, cos if I can't do my job properly what right to I have to even contribute? Every single time I enter a guitar practice I simply have no desire to conduct, to talk, even to teach.

Its not because we got Gold in SYF. Thats not it. To me results don't matter. The problem was my lax attitude throughout my term. Whenever I've felt down or tired, I've left the work to someone else. A music director should act like a professional, never letting his emotions get in the way of his work. That is a way a leader should function. And I couldn't do that. And I didn't even try.

Yes, I've contributed by creating a guitar syllabus for the JC1s to learn the skills they need. Yes, I've contributed by saying what I can in the exco meetings. Yes, I've contributed by dealing with instructor-ensemble relations. But its not enough. A leader is more than someone with a few duties. Have I inspired my fellow guitar mates to gain more musical and guitar related knowledge? Don't think so.

The previous exco chose me specifically cos they believed that I had the infectious passion that could lead others to want to know more. But I don't see many individuals filled with passion, with zest for guitaring(well at least they don't show it). They are loyal, yes. But how many of them treat guitar as an interest, and how many as a CCA? I wonder. And its all my fault when everything turns out like that. Even if they do treat guitar as an interest, I think it wasn't cos of me.

Yeah so although the exco interviews were pretty fun overall, there was no way I could enjoy it anyways. Which explains the poker face during interviews. Not because I needed to act serious. Because I was dead serious. Its my final way to contribute, and I wanted my attitude right. If you have to go, at least go with a bang, right?

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