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Of God and Demons

Now that'd I've put my last phase of life past me and have some more time to reflect cos I'm C+ for the second time, I feel that it's the correct time to do a bit more reflection about my past, especially the last couple of years. I've always thought that one of the counseling exercises practiced would be helpful for me to process what I've been going through - that is to personify my negative emotions. In a sense to experience that final bit of release from these emotions that have threatened me for a long time. To talk about the inner demons that I've been facing. 

Wrath. The fiercest of them all, yet gentlemanly in some ways, calculative in others. People usually imagine wrath to be brawny, in your face and belligerent. But my Wrath is more sinister, sly even. Plotting the downfall of my enemies and using the knowledge that I have to exact vengeance. Over the months I have exerted control of him by reminding myself that only God has the right to judge.

Despair. The most talkative one out of them. There have been many times when I have been told by Despair that my future is ruined, devastated, not worth salvaging. That I will never be good enough or up to par any more. That I am tainted by darkness and unlovely. Fortunately God has told me that all this is a lie and I am worth more than my defeats.  

Shame. The most insidious, hardest to catch and grasp. The one who subtly whispers in your ear to run away from facing anyone and anybody. The one who sends panic through your body and discomfort whenever questions are asked. I am not sure how far I have overcome Shame. It is because Shame rarely comes to confront you, and by the time you try to speak to Shame he has run away and you with him. May God help me to stand my ground and face my past without running away or hiding. 

These three demons were my worst adversaries over the past few years. Fortunately God has guided me through. 

EVEN WHEN IT HURTS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jryJDxqdIwo&t=258s

Take this fainted heartTake these tainted handsWash me in Your loveCome like grace again
Even when my strength is lostI'll praise YouEven when I have no songI'll praise YouEven when it's hard to find the wordsLouder then I'll sing Your praiseI will only sing Your praise
Take this mountain weightTake these ocean tearsHold me through the trialCome like hope again
Even when the fight seems lostI'll praise YouEven when it hurts like hellI'll praise YouEven when it makes no sense to singLouder then I'll sing Your praiseI will only sing Your praise

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