BenLow's blog

I enjoyed the centenary services thoroughly; singing the songs, listening to sermons, watching the anglican church of Singapore in all its splendour. It was a truly splendid event, with so many churches involved. Personally, I felt it very refreshing to be involved because it was something that only happens once every 100 years, and ushering helped me to smile a lot more than I usually do. Not forgetting all the short periods of time I spent talking to all the different types of people involved, and of course YE as well. Offering these simple 5 loaves and 2 fishes I had, to serve in ushering was a truly humbling experience. Being able to serve over 10000 people helped me think of how small I was, and how big God is. Serving alongside youth willing to offer up what little they had, no matter how tired they would end up was another thing I felt really happy about. And the best thing of it all is that I feel that I have gotten closer to all of the YE kids as a whole. I was always wonderin...

The toughest part of growing up is having your dreams shattered. That was one thing I realised today as I was looking at fb statuses. For me it was a very real thing, and it was really painful for me. In the past when I got emo and sad it usually lasted only a couple of days. But nowadays emo streaks go away less easily. So I, like the rational dude I am, went back through my old posts to see when all the long emo streaks started. And yes, I have found an answer. It all started after the med rejection letter came. Somehow because of that, I have changed in some ways... The emo thing is one thing. Other ways I've changed include a discovery of how weak I really am, and that has translated into a few bad things. Low self confidence, a wavering trust in my bright future and a creeping doubt that others do not respect me, love me and care for me in their heart like they actually appear to. Its made it more difficult for me to love others than it alread is because I'm afraid of find...

Ahaha... Didn't think that this was something to laugh about but I've finally realised how low my self-esteem actually was. It just is kinda ironic. Someone with such a great list of abilities, talents like mine shouldn't feel inadequate, but there just is more to life than that right. Its really funny when you think about it. I really wish I could elaborate more but I guess theres no point to it right. Lol. To tell the truth I already know why I'm not as confident as I should be. But I'd like to buy a cookie for anyone else who knows why I'm feeling this way. So feel free to guess. Sigh.

Oh oh oh forgot to update about this... I've been really excited about it and finally started to learn a bit of it today. Sign language! Yeah... Its the most "logical" language in the world IMO. Before I tell you guys what I've learnt so far let me tell you why I wanted to start learning it. It was sec 4 I believe... The MINDs carnival we had pretty much inspired me cos I was paired up with a deaf/mute kid which was really really cute. He kept moving his hands but I didn't really know what he wanted to tell me until he showed it to me. There was that time he needed to go to the toilet but I had no idea until he dragged me into the washroom lol. Yup so thats the story. Despite me not understanding him he was still pretty happy in the end... But I guess if I'd known sign language he'd be even happier. =) So now I'm at the basics. Stuff I've learnt: 1. Signing the alphabet 2. Signing numbers including a thousand and a million 3. Signing tenses (-ed, -...

I was wondering when my yearly sickness would come this year, seeing that I haven't gotten sick for such a long time, and the trend was to have one bout of major flu/cough/fever etc etc every year. Yup it has come, in the form of a 38.6 degree fever plus body aches, which started on saturday afternoon but was gone by today. Haha this yearly sickness thing brings back memories, especially of the past 2 years. Last year I had this sickness around april/may during my signals course. It helped me see the good side of a certain sergeant that everyone else seemed to dislike but I empathised with. When I got sick he treated me with a lot of care (maybe cos he knew I wasn't a kengster like some of my plt mates), even getting an ambulance to send me to tengah air base medical centre cos it was quite late at night. It was a real blessing seeing that even in the army such care was even given to a trainee. Two years ago... Who can forget the string of smses sent by the loving people of 07S...

Well, yesterday was my ORD date... And the more I think about it the more I do not want to flaunt it. Everybody is going to go through it eventually, and there really is no point announcing it to the whole world. It only helps you yourself feel better, has no effect on those already out of army and makes those who are still in more depressed. As much as I'd like to write a lengthy post on how its helped me and things like that, I've decided against it. Looking instead at the big picture, its a scintillating story of how God will still be there even when there's a huge desert to be traversed. On the way you trek across enormous sand dunes, brave the desert storms and withstand the searing heat. On the way you find mysterious caverns worth exploring, you see wildlife you have never come across, you learn to adapt and change. On the way you come across great treasures, an oasis and places of great comfort that you learn to enjoy. The other explorers around me sometimes love th...

Need I say more? Rawr.

I felt that today was a pretty tiring day, although I did nothing much. Waking up considerably early is one thing. But even more draining is the feeling of nervousness before playing/doing something in front of a large group of people. Felt the same way when preparing the stuff for BB lifeskills camp. =S One thing that really bugs me is my tendency to expect perfectionism from myself, each and every thing I do. Even when it comes to something simple like playing a song on the piano. I'd talked it over to myself countless times, telling myself that God was in control and that He would help me, but that didn't stop me running through the notes and fingerings again and again in my mind. Practically through most of the service I had this tune stuck in my head. And that has sort of set the mood for this period where I'm becoming more free (in terms of NS). I'm feeling because of this problem of mine all the things I'm getting involved in will encumber me, make me tire o...